…continued from part I

Al and I talked a lot about using social media tools in a thoughtful way. If you’ve ever used LinkedIn and received an invitation to be someone’s connection then you probably know the cookie-cutter text that comes along with it. It looks like this:

“I’d like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn.

– Taylor Crenshaw”

Not very personal. It doesn’t have to be impersonal though, you’re not stuck with that template. You can edit that to say whatever you want and you should. It shows that you took the time to bring up where and why you met and maybe even how that person might be able to help you get where you’re trying to go. Put the personal into your invitation. It’ll go a long way towards building that relationship by making the person feel more like a human being and less like a stepping stone. By making the invitation more personal, it also brings into play a rule I keep for myself when dealing with LinkedIn. Do not try to connect with someone you haven’t met in person.

But heads up, Millennials! Our work isn’t done as soon as we make that connection both in real life and on the Web. We’ve got to maintain those personal relationships. Al goes so far as to make about one hundred calls around the holidays to people that he is connected with. Now I know, we’re not used to putting a whole lot of effort into things and we want instant gratification, but I think Mr. Oak knows what he’s talking about. And it’s not about business all the time. However, you make these efforts to keep in touch with your connections, you might just be at the forefront of their mind when business comes up or they might mention something off-handedly that you’re interested in in the midst of your chit chat. But even then, you should appreciate what you’re doing for other reasons. “Hopefully you enjoy doing that (maintaining relationships) because you’re making someone happy,” Al said. So far we’ve learned that we have to become more patient in our general networking and more selfless when keeping up with our connections. Al also told me that he couldn’t come up with one relationship that didn’t yield some sort of benefit at one point or another. All the more reason to put the effort into these relationships that you’re building.

Even though he knows what he’s doing in the networking department, Al understands where the technology we Millennials so love (and depend on?) could come in handy. “That’s the advantage of something like LinkedIn. It’s easier to stay in touch with people.” As we are beginning our networking journeys, we should remember that. He did not say “it’s easier to connect with people,” but that it is easier to maintain those relationships and keep up with everyone. Social media should be used as a supplement to interact with people, not a crutch for gaining new “connections.” So go ahead, use LinkedIn and your favorite social media tools, but remember that they are just that, tools, supplements. Embrace the personal that is slowly becoming more and more uncomfortable for us and go for it. It truly cannot hurt when done in a thoughtful way.

And when it comes to maintaining relationships, another thing we need to remember is that even if there isn’t something obviously in it for us, we should still take responsibility for maintaining those relationships. While Al said that some of his connections keep up with him, he takes the responsibility of communicating upon himself. “I drive the train. I lead,” he said, not a trace of selfishness in his voice. He truly does not expect to get a business deal or partnership out of every conversation he has, but he knows that if he maintains these relationships people will be more apt to think of him when they are looking for someone in his industry. “You build trust and relationships by putting others interests and needs ahead of your own and being patient with your cause.” Patience, Millennials, patience.

As I wrapped up my time with Al, he reiterated to me what we Millennials need to do in order to get into networking as early as possible and it is quite simple. “Get a mentor, tell them what you want to do, and hold yourself accountable.” Easy enough, right?   All we have to do is take a step outside our comfort zone and think more carefully about the impersonal ways we sometimes use our social media. But, remember, both parts of networking, traditional and social, are incredibly important and if managed correctly can lighten your load in maintaining your personal relationships and bringing forth opportunities that might not have been possible otherwise.

I was originally bitten by “the travel bug” in 2002 when my dad followed through on a long-standing dream to do as his dad had done for him- take his son(s) to Italy, the land of our not-so-distant-anscestors. During my Master”s of Architecture program in 2009, three months living in Barcelona and four months abroad total, in eleven different countries, permanently imprinted me with the value of the personal and professional impact of traveling on my career as an Architect. Experiencing things firsthand is important to me, which is a large part of why I travel- everything becomes suddenly and amazingly real when you see it with your own eyes.

This past February I took advantage of the amazing chance to visit an old friend in South Africa, living and researching for nine months in a small town an hour outside of Cape Town. I wasn”t fully or nearly prepared for the impact of a trip flying 21 total hours, across the Equator, to the Southern tip of a new continent, to a country of many languages and peoples, still awash in racial, political, and economic strife the likes of which we only (rarely) read about in the papers blogs.

My ten days in South Africa was less architecture and more history/language/politics/culture than expected- but more educational than I”d hoped. Personally and professionally, I am particularly interested in residential design- the small scale, the Psychology of the impact the spaces can have on your day to day life. Additionally, I feel a moral obligation and tremendous opportunity as an Architect to use design (and blood, sweat, and tears) to effect social change.

In a confluence of the two, I had the rare chance to tour a “township” outside of Cape Town- a “shantytown”, a settlement of metal shacks- known as a “favela” in Brazil. It was known as “Imizamo Yethu”, which is Xhosa for “Our Struggle”. While a bit disconcerting to be a tourist gawking at the living conditions of some of the poorest in the Western Cape, it was a unique opportunity to experience it firsthand, with a tour guide who lived in the area, for a fee that ostensibly went directly to the community.

I was immediately struck by the contrast between their poverty and the fact that they still had the basic pieces of a normal life. Many had electricity, some had running water, there was a shocking number of satellite dishes mounted on fences, and people had shoes, clothing, paved streets (with street signs!), some cars here and there, televisions, bars strew about town, a school down the street…but the poverty was obvious in their one-room, corrugated-metal homes.

Yet I noticed that their basic needs of food, shelter, clothing were met in those humble abodes. I thought back to the 200 square foot apartment I had in Chicago, with a *large* closet and air conditioning, and found myself wondering if I really “needed” such a *lavish* living situation to be happy- or better yet to be actualized, to borrow Abraham Maslow”s term. What do we really NEED from our homes and our lives to happy? How could homes be more modestly designed for necessity rather than contingency?

A wealthy Irishman had been coming to Imizamo Yethu for five years, bringing money and muscle to build homes and a library. Germans had just built a new school the past year. It seemed a bit “white guilt” or the typical helicoptering help to Africa from the Western World, but it had made a profound impact (credit william). I”m aware of the American concern “why should we send help and money overseas with so much poverty and need here at home” yet I couldn”t help wondering about the impact I could make there in South Africa- and the need and opportunity were clearly there.

Previously, my colleague, Matt Amore, wrote on the impact of listening to environment and client on design. Listening is one of those things we all know to be essential to daily life.  Yet, how often do we really do it? And when we do, are we any good at it? And how does it impact our relationships with colleagues, clients, family and friends?

There is a science and art to listening. The science of listening is pretty straight forward, so today I want to focus on the art of listening.    Ask yourself when was the last time you listened to someone – clearly, with intent and without agenda. Not as simple as it seems.  Many factors impact our ability to truly listen:

Time constraints – when someone says “do you have a minute?” – do you really?  Are you able to really listen or will you just go through the motions due to time issues? Many times this type of “listening” results in misunderstood information / intent, wasted effort and frustration.  Being ready to listen not only is productive, but also sends a real message to the other person that you are receptive to what they have to say and leaves the other person with a sense of satisfaction of being heard – of being valued.

Intent – When you “listen” are you actually silently arguing or constructing your response for the exact moment they stop for air? Are you “listening to learn” or “listening to prove”? Next time take note of any agendas, assumptions or biases you may have – leave the baggage at the door – and listen – then formulate your response.

Filters – Receptive listening is difficult as often we have intentional or unintentional filters through which we listen.  Usually one has different filters with different people. At times trust plays a role in how thick and dulling those filters are.  Familiarity may also lend itself to a preconceived notion (filter) of what someone is going to say.  Do you stop listening at a certain point and just assume you know what direction the person is going?

Recently I came across Dr. Mark Goulston, who has authored the book “Just Listen”.  Take a look at this video in which he shares a special meeting he had regarding listening.  Mark suggests that the best way to develop good listeners is to give them a taste of being listened to.  Ready to listen?  Enjoy!

Let me know how it works for you.  I am eager to learn of any new thoughts on listening.